Dementia: God Won't Put More On You Than You Can Handle

I have spent my life hearing the phrase, "God won't put more on you than you can handle", and I often wondered if the people who proclaimed this lived in the same universe in which I lived?  This week, I have been thinking about this very subject. 

As you probably know, Momma has Alzheimer's.  She is seven years beyond her diagnosis date, and she has some sort of "issue" most everyday of her life.  These issues are concerning, but they are usually manageable.  Even though they are manageable, they can be time consuming.  But, she is so dad-gone sweet that I don't mind! 

My mother-in-law has been a sick lady for about two years.  She has good days and bad days.  However, on Wednesday of last week she received a good health check-up from her doctor.  YEAH!!!  Wait… on Sunday she was taken by ambulance to the hospital.  On Monday we were told she most likely would not pull through.  On Tuesday we were advised to call in Hospice.  On Wednesday they changed her future to that of not needing Hospice but skilled nursing care.  On Thursday, the skilled nursing care requirement was dropped and the need for rehabilitation was the plan.  All of these changes in just a few days.   

My sister had what was suppose to be routine knee surgery two weeks ago.  During the surgery we discovered she had what the doctor called "an angry knee", and recovery is proving to be much more difficult than anyone ever imagined. 

Then today, a sweet girl said to me, "Remember, Mrs. Howell, God won't put more on you than you can handle."  I am pretty sure she wasn't prepared for my response.  "Oh Kayla, that's really not a Biblical concept.  God will definitely put more on us than we can handle.  He does so in order to make us turn to Him.  What comforts me is knowing God will not put more on us than HE can handle."   

I wish I could say I have turned everything over to God this week.  I am afraid I have been guilty of holding on to some things, and I have even been slack in my quiet time.  God's knocking on my door, and I need to open the door and listen.  His way is the best.  His plans are perfect.   

I hope that gives you Something To Ponder. 

Dementia and Word Salad

It is not unusual to forget a word or call something by a wrong name.  When dementia becomes part of the picture, however, this happens more frequently.  It is often referred to as "word salad".    My sister and I recently experienced this with Momma.  

Before I tell you the story, it is important to note that Momma is doing great, and the disease has not taken over her life at this point.  However, we are noticing certain things happening that cause us concern.

After showering one day, Momma proceeded to put on a shirt that seemed to be giving her difficulty.  This shirt had a built-in undershirt, and the entire process of getting the layers in the right place was proving to be more than she could handle.  She said, "I had a tassel with that shirt."  I asked, "You mean you had a tussle?"  She responded, "Yes, that is what I meant." 

Just a few minutes later Momma retold the story and used the wrong word again.  This is concerning, as dementia has a way of stealing words.  Alzheimer's affects the left temporal lobe where language is stored.  Often times our loved ones will make up words to use for the word they cannot remember.  This excerpt from LET'S TALK DEMENTIA  explains it well.

"Hey, John.  I need a tromby." 

"Hi, Dad.  Did you say you need a tromby?" 

"Yes, get me a a tromby." 

"John replies, "Help me remember, Dad.  What do you do with a tromby?" 

Dad seemed a little confused, but he answered with, "You know.  You use a tromby to make your hair look good." 

"Oh yeah.  I remember." 

Ask questions.  Be kind.  Listen careful.  Watch body language.  You just might figure out what is trying to be said.  Hope that gives you Something To Ponder.

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Dementia - It's Not As Easy As It Seems

This strange picture shows our bathroom mirror covered in strips of tape.  We did this as part of the plan to crack the mirror with a hammer and take it down in pieces.  In so doing, the mirror would not fall on us and cause a trip to the emergency room.

After finishing the taping project, I really wanted to give the mirror the needed whacks with the hammer.  However, my husband had the honors.  Strike one!  No crack.  I was surprised.  Ok, let’s try again.  Strike two!  Still, no crack.  This was strange.  He was using a regular hammer.  This was a glass mirror.  How could it be?  Strike three!.  Strike four!  Strike five.  Strike six!  Finally, the mirror cracked. 

I bet if I had accidentally hit the mirror with the hair dryer, that silly thing would have cracked, and I would have been purchasing a replacement.  However, six whacks with a hammer were required to accomplish the needed task of cracking the mirror.

Things are not always as easy as they seem.  When living with dementia, day-to-day tasks can become quite difficult.  Tying shoes and buttoning shirts can be quite a chore.  The manual dexterity needed to accomplish these tasks is no longer available.  The visual field is constantly changing.  The eye-hand coordination is altered.  What seems simple can become quite difficult.

Be patient.  Be helpful.   Be kind.  Our loved ones are doing the best than can.  Hope that gives you Something To Ponder.
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LET'S TALK DEMENTIA - A Caregiver's Guide - Amazon #1 Best Seller

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Dementia and IT'S MINE!

Let me introduce you to Zoe.  She is a pie-bald, soft wired-hair, miniature dachshund.  That is way to many adjectives for a seven pound dog.  She entered our lives in July of this year, and she has rocked our world.  This picture shows her resting comfortably on her "sofa".  She is lying on a pink blanket next to a bone that belongs to her. 

From looking at the picture, it would seem Zoe is saying, "These things are mine.  Leave them alone."  Of course, my husband and I had no desire to take these items from her.  The picture made me think....

I often see caregivers remove items from people with dementia and I wonder.  "Why couldn't they keep that item?"  One such experience occurred when a caregiver removed an apple from the hand of a man whose main job each day was to walk up and down the hall.  This man saw the apple, picked it up, and he proceeded to examine it quite intensely.  The caregiver did not want the man to eat the apple so close to lunch time, so the caregiver proceeded to remove the apple from his hand.

This man was much like Zoe.  Maybe he was thinking, "This is my apple.  You are not getting it."  However, and unfortunately, the caregiver was persistent.  The apple was removed from his hand, and the man became agitated. 

If the man had been left to examine the apple, and maybe even eat the apple, would his life had been changed in a negative way?  Would it have resulted in some tragedy that must be avoided?  I think not. 

Give serious consideration when making demands of your loved one with dementia.  This is especially true when they are living in the mid to late stages of their disease.  Ask yourself, "Is this necessary?  Does it really matter?  Would life be just as good or even better if I backed off?"   

Often it is easier and more productive to just leave well enough alone.  Hope that gives you something to ponder.

LET'S TALK DEMENTIA - A Caregiver's Guide - Amazon #1 Best Seller

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Dementia and Being Different

Everyday I spend time with folks who have dementia.  The cause of their dementia may vary from person to person, and the symptoms of the dementia may change daily.  However, as different as each person is, they are all similar and can get along quite nicely.

This picture shows my bed.  Yes, I really do put all these pillows on my bed each  morning, and my husband removes them nightly.  There is a total of ten pillows and six fabrics on my bed.  Each of these fabrics is unique and totally different from the other, but each of these fabrics blend quite nicely to make the pretty bed I admire each day.  Different yet the same.  Individual yet common.

People with dementia are different, yet they are the same people we have always known.  While they are constantly changing and shifting, deep within them is the individual we have always loved. 

People with dementia are common.  The symptoms they experience are often seen repeated in other people.  Don’t think your loved one is unusual or strange when you see a certain behavior.  Chances are it is a behavior that has been observed many times before.

Being different can be good.  Being the same can be good.  I hope that gives you Something To Ponder.

LET'S TALK DEMENTIA - A Caregiver's Guide - Amazon #1 Best Seller

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